change

i feel like a lot has changed in the past week.
i dont know what it is - maybe seeing everyone again at commencement? reality check?
at least i can say, i will most likely never see 3/4 of those people again.
is it sad that i'm okay with that?
i tried to be friends with as many people as i could over my four years of high school,
but its over now. we're all starting our own new journeys, going our separate ways.. and i'm okay with that.
its almost as if i've accepted that high school is just another phase of life that we go through.
& we might make some friends that will last longer than the 4 years itself.. sad thing is, as much as you don't want to admit it, you can probably count the ones you'll talk to on a regular basis from now on, easily on both your hands. at least i know i can.
& i've come to the point now where i'm okay with that.....

this weekend was commencement/thanksgiving.
i dont have my family thanksgiving meal until tomorrow though, looking forward to that!

i have dranken every night since i've been home, too much beer for one weekend. never again.
i worked too, and things couldn't have been more awkward.
its actually true, you don't really know what you have until it's gone. & i 100% got that this weekend, without a doubt in my mind. i can't make sense of how i'm actually feeling about the situation?
i was relieved after it happened, i felt like there were less things that i had to worry about. but now, i kind of feel lonely... i guess i just wish i could have my cake & eat it too? or not have my cake & eat it though, in this case? so much confusion... could be the beer.

on a separate note, i feel like the biggest idiot, so much for regular basis.
i'd say i'm over it, but i try not to lie. soon hopefully? only time will tell i suppose.
i just wish i could have a fresh start with everything, but i got one a month now, & that didn't change anything. i think i'm still caught up in my high school world.. so from now on, it is my goal to move on. to get over everything bad associated with the past four years. let's goooo

i havent stopped typing for the past 2 minutes, non-stop. i just checked the clock. wow, i need to blog more often huh? (oh you fancy, huh?) hehe

to take my mind off things, i decided to copy this from a friend off facebook, thought it could be fun? here goes:

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your favourite night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss


its supposed to be done over a 30 day periodical, but im going to do it in one post...


so....


(1). 15 facts:
1. i love my family more than anything in the whole entire world.
2. i would rather live with my family than without it at this point in my life.
3. i wish i knew more people at my university.
4. i miss basketball.
5. newly single.
6. probably one of the most indecisive people you will ever meet.
7. i eat like a vegetarian when i'm at school.. i have eaten chicken nuggets three times in the past month, that concludes my meat summary.
8. i am too lazy to walk to buy food, so i make something. it's what i call: my laziness diet
9. i am jealous of all the new friends everyone has seemed to have made at their new schools, i still haven't found that bff...
10. i need to start going to the gym....
11. i think i have a problem, i struggle to make a 10am class. how the hell did i ever make an 8am one? thank god for create your own schedule.
12. i have midterms on tuesday and wednesday and haven't started studying yet.
13. i miss being close to the teachers at md & just having life chats all the time.
14. i was chosen for a 2-grand scholarship on friday night, & i am still in awe.
15. i am considering transferring to london? maybe i should start studying if i want a chance @ western


(2) person i've been closest the longest with: Shelby DeSousa
(3) favourite show: teen mom
(4) favourite night: go-karting with the fam for the bdays last week <3 so fun
(5) favourite memory: pwm days
(6) trade for a day: kim kardashian
(7) most treasured: half pint & gracie
(8) makes me laugh: russell peters
(9) people that have gotten through to me the most: bt
(10) person i do most crazy things with: gs
(11) hate: bananas
(12) love: mashed potatoes
(13) fave artist/band: atm artist: keith urban, band: the fray or the scripts
(14) never imagine life without: family
(15) before i die: fall deeply in true love
(16) inspiration: ian jones
(17) huge impact recently: realizing who actually cares about you.
(18) biggest insecurity: l & n
(19) picture & a letter - dont understand lol 
(20) would love to travel to: dominican, jamaica, bahamas, europe, australia, anywhereee
(21) wish i could forget: bh
(22) wish i was better at: focus & public speaking
(23) fave book: pll series
(24) wish i could change: endings
(25) my day: work/drink beer
(26) means a lot: fam & doggies
(27) whole fam = L<3ve
(28) afraid of: sharks
(29) always make me smile: squids drawings from europe '08
(30) miss: sd, bh, dw, csw, af, cs, sl


there it is!
maybe i'l actually do the pictures part one day..
well see haha


anyways, super long!
(that's what she said ;) ) hefhehehe


feels like i've gotten a lot off my chest.
goin to bed, ... drunk.


i'll update with songs tomorrow <3


PEACE & LOVE BITCHES